Tag Archive for Andrew T. Post

Victorious Kim Jong-Un Disturbed by Close Election; Defeated Kim Jong-Un Demands Recount

Kim Jong-Un Victorious

PYONGYANG—Stating that he felt “disturbed” and “insecure” about the results of North Korea’s parliamentary elections last weekend, Kim Jong-un took to the floor of the Supreme People’s Assembly yesterday to voice his concerns to the ruling Worker’s Party. “We have won a decisive victory for the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea,” Kim stated from the…

Area Man in High-Speed Chase Driving Car He Definitely Stole

high-speed-police-chase

LOS ANGELES, CA – Recently paroled felon Jacob Madura, resident of Hemet, is currently involved in a high-speed chase with police officers along California Interstate 210, driving his own personal…ah, are you shitting me? There’s no way that car’s his.  We’ve been unable to confirm whether Madura stole the car from a nearby neighborhood or…

Friends And Family Concerned About Chimp’s Bananaholism

Chimp eating-banana

CINCINNATI – Concerned friends and family of Nubbins, a fifteen-year-old chimpanzee at the Cincinnati Zoo, have recently registered deep concern over his excessive consumption of bananas. In the wake of several personal tragedies, including the accidental deflation of his favorite rubber ball and the loss of several key sleeping spots, Nubbins has reportedly sunk into…

Utter Neanderthal Uses Map

find-yourself-with-compass_fe

BURBANK, CA – The world watched in stunned disbelief on Thursday as an utterly backward human being used a compass and a map to find his destination instead of a GPS system. Timothy Lauer, 32, of Ventura, California, was spotted walking down First Street with an honest-to-God compass and what appeared to be a tourist…

Bald Eagle Announces Retirement as America’s National Symbol

Bald Eagle Retires

KODIAK, ALASKA – The majestic bald eagle, the fish-eating bird native to Alaska, Canada, the contiguous United States, and northern Mexico and the symbol of America since 1782, announced its retirement on Wednesday. “I gotta tell ya, I had a good run,” the raptor commented from its nest of sticks on a rock promontory overlooking…

Heavenly Debate

pearlygates

HEAVEN – Speaking from a shining golden podium set among a landscape of eternal sunlight, fluffy clouds and sweet harp music, Qin Shihuang-di, the incumbent president of Heaven, spoke to reporters about his ongoing bout with the opposing party’s prime candidate, Joseph Smith, Jr. “I’m quite confident that I shall be re-elected,” the former first…