Summer In Chicago

Montrose Avenue Beach. Photo by of Juan Carlos Martin-Loeches via Flickr.

Montrose Avenue Beach. Photo by of Juan Carlos Martin-Loeches via Flickr.

Summer in Chicago

The arrival of summer in Chicago means a couple of things to me. Firstly, it means that I’ve aged another year. I’ve actually begun telling people that I am older than my real age, so that they gasp and tell me how great I look for my age. “You don’t look 41!”, they exclaim. Then I get to advise them, with an air of superiority, to stay out of the sun, drink a lot of water, and lay off the booze (3 rules I never follow, especially during the summer).

But the things that really make a Chicago summer are the following:

Summer Bicyclists in Chicago 

Every summer I wonder: “Is this the year I will be incarcerated for accidentally hitting a biker?” The worst thing that ever happened to the city of Chicago was the implementation of Divvy bike rentals. Now even the most inexperienced and mentally lacking individuals can rent a bicycle, and throw the city into a state of sheer panic. I scream in the confines of my car at the injustices that I suffer on a daily basis, due to the fact that bikers get to choose to follow the rules of a pedestrian, motorist, or bicyclist.  And even with the breadth of their choices, they choose to follow none of them! And who the hell decided that bikers should wear 100% spandex? Has anyone ever looked decent in that much spandex, except for, I don’t know, Batman?  If you don’t ever see another story from me, please send money to the Cook County Jail, because I’ve accidentally/intentionally hit someone.

Fashions Choices of the Youth in During Chicago’s Summer

I’m not particularly fond of the way teenagers dress in the winter, but I abhor it in the summer. I’m not anywhere near being a mom, but I wouldn’t let my girls out of the house with their butt cheeks hanging out. Not sure who OK’ed this look alongside the high waisted denim/combat boots thing, but they should be hit by a Divvy bike rider. The girls channel Miley Cyrus, the guys channel Justin Bieber, and someone needs to change the channel. Oh well, I guess not everyone can pull off a muu muu like yours truly.
Enjoy yourself this summer, readers. But be sure to wear sunscreen, drink lots of water, and lay off the booze!

Workout Expectations In Chicago 

And speaking of muu muu, every Polar Vortex, my mantra is “when the weather is nicer, I will start working out again.”  I’ve gotten around this little promise to myself by donning gym shorts, a sports bra, and tennis shoes.  It’s amazing how wearing work out clothes convinces you that a little jaunt to the mailbox is hard work.   I am “41” after all.  “It’s too hot”, “I’m too dehydrated”, and “My thighs are chafing” are my new mantras.  But I’m sure when it’s colder, I will have more time to work out.

Herbicide Chicago

Photo courtesy of NatalieMaynor via Flickr.

Annual Herbicide in Chicago 

I scour the local Home Depot every summer in hopes of finding the perfect tree to brighten up my balcony. At last, my eyes rest on the perfect candidate (this year, a sweet, unsuspecting pear tree dubbed Paulie), and I say “Yes, you will be the tree that I slowly neglect. You are the tree that dies.” I always have full intentions of fertilizing, watering, and talking to the tree, but I was not born with a green thumb. If anything, it was bluish in hue, but that could be the lack of oxygen that I was receiving in my mother’s cold womb.

Ice Cream Man Chicago

Photo courtesy of Hyun Lee via Flickr

Ice Cream Man in Chicago 

I’m not sure if there’s an Ice Cream Man Union (the ICMU?), but if there is, I have to believe my photo is on their break room corkboard with a warning sign next to it. Once my ears register the beautiful melodies of the ice cream truck, my survival instincts take over. I run like a cheetah hunting a gazelle, dollar bills waving in my outstretched hand. There is no distance too far, no price too high, and no shame whatsoever when the ice cream man is around. The Spongebob/Pink Panther/Spiderman concoctions are only out for 100 days, and I intend to take full advantage.

Enjoy yourself this summer, readers.  But be sure to wear sunscreen, drink lots of water, and lay off the booze!

Liz Garcia

Liz Garcia

Liz Garcia is a 30 year old Gemini, living in Chicago with her boyfriend, two cats, and puppy. She is a planner by day, and wannabe writer by night. Loves the White Sox, candy, wine and cooking. Hates selfies, Corollas, and being the only one to laugh at her own jokes. Watch her laugh at her own jokes on Instagram @themisadventuresoflizzyg