How to Stop Procrastinating
This will certainly not come as a shock, but everyone procrastinates. Except for that 2% of people who are always productive and show up at least 15 minutes early to everything. But everyone hates those people, so don’t feel bad. For the rest of us, there is hope. Just follow these 3 easy steps to stop procrastinating for good.
Step 1: Eliminate Distractions
Procrastination is caused by 3 types of distractions: TV, the Internet, and anything besides what you are supposed to be doing.
Most interesting is that the latter causes a remarkable phenomenon where even the worst of chores or the worst crap on TV become infinitely more appealing than whatever it is you are avoiding doing. Why else would anyone ever organize their photo albums or watch Full House reruns? However, if you were supposed to be organizing your photo albums, then filing your taxes would suddenly become quite important, interesting, and perhaps even fun. Okay, maybe not fun. The bottom line is that no one wants to do what they are supposed to do and will therefore find a myriad of creative excuses not to.
For example, what are you supposed to be doing right now? I know you’re not supposed to be reading this. You’re probably at work, aren’t you? Or you’re at least supposed to be doing something more productive. You are a classic example of the chronic procrastinator, and I am disappointed.
Anyways, the problem with procrastination is that we get distracted from a task and never return to it, or we return to it when it’s too late to complete on time. This is exactly what happened to my friend Amy.
When Amy saw that Grey’s Anatomy was available On Demand, she watched seasons 1 through 8. In 4 days. Not only did she not file her taxes, pay her Macy’s bill, mail her grandmother’s birthday card or make a dermatology appointment for that suspicious-looking mole on her ankle, I’m not sure she even showered. A year later, Amy died.
Okay, she didn’t die from metastatic melanoma from the freaky foot mole. She died in a completely unrelated car accident. But that’s not the point. The point is that when she died, there were tons of things she was going to do but never got around to. And now she’s dead. And since she never got around to writing a will, she will forever lie in a Baptist church cemetery plot in Vidalia, Georgia instead of being cremated and having her ashes spread on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Magic Kingdom. I was supposed to call her mother to let her know about Amy’s last wishes, but I got lost in the Wikipedia rabbit hole and now it’s too late.
You see, it all started with one Google search for what happens if you die without a will. One click led to another and before I realized it, I had spent 12 hours reading about postmortem photography and deadly diseases of the 19th century. Let me explain
When Amy died, it made me realize that I didn’t have a will either. I started thinking about what would happen to my things, and my body, and I remembered that my creepy ass grandmother keeps a book of Polaroids of dead relatives—a practice known as postmortem photography that peaked in popularity at the end of the 19th century (according to Wikipedia).
The fear of being in that book prompted me to write a will for myself. So far, all I have is this: Dear Mom, if you let anyone take a picture of my dead body, I will haunt you.
I should go work on this in case I end up like Amy. I’ll write steps 2 and 3 later.