An Open Letter To My Sweaters

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Dear Cardigans,

Let me first send my apologies to the other sweaters. Though I’ve seen a couple of you non-wool garments on a cool evening here and there, most of you have been stuck in the large plastic bin under my bed for months. We all know summer happens every year, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Being ignored is hard and I acknowledge that. Unfortunately, it’s still not time for all of you, which is why I’m singling out the cardigans. Don’t worry though, turtlenecks and Fair Isles, your time is coming—in about a month and a half.

Which brings me back to my dear, beloved cardigans. You know you’re my favorites. Excellent for layering, when unbuttoned you still give shirts a chance to shine in an outfit. But, I’ve got to say, when I took some of you out of hibernation today, I wasn’t very impressed with what I was seeing. I don’t remember all of you being quite so unshapely and drab. Did none of you think to workout a bit in the off-season or, at the very least, pick the dog hair off yourself? Also, this might be my imagination, but I thought at least one of you hit at the natural waist, however when I tried you all on with a skirt today the results were nothing short of almost thigh-length frumpiness.

I guess some of you must have been doing some sort of activity while I was out in the sunshine: those worn elbow holes didn’t make themselves. I’m 99% sure they weren’t there in early May and I don’t see a moth anywhere. You’ll have to explain later though, because I need a nice one of you for a wedding this weekend so, right now, I need you guys to get it together. We’re not adding a new member to the cardigan collection and I certainly can’t wear the one that I’ve had since high school and sewed so many times that I had to make elbow patches out of a duvet cover from college. (I still contend that those were the only elbow holes I’ve produced on my own.)

Now I see the side-eyes that some of you are giving me right now. Oh, excuse me, side-buttons. I know what you’re all thinking—how can I complain about the group when there’s a possibility that one of you will be stuck out with me when it hits 70 °F? True, it’s only mid-September, the time of year when it might be 57 °F when you leave the house, 75 °F midday, and back down to 63 °F at night. No cardigan likes to be sweat-in all day and then expected to keep a whole body warm at night because the person wearing you didn’t have time to stop back at home for a scarf.

It’s not fair, but that’s what we ALL have to deal with now. I dislike it as much as you! I like consistency in my weather and this is throwing us all off. This is the weather that makes a person waver between pumpkin beer and prosecco, iced coffee and Earl Grey tea, squash and guacamole. I even lit a balsam fir scented candle last night and it’s not even close to pine season!

What I’m trying to say, cardigans, is that it’s not easy, but we’re in it together. Also, you should probably appreciate this moment because once pine season does hit, I’m going to have to start giving more of my time to that one bulky grandfatheresque pullover and those aforementioned turtlenecks and Fair Isles. Some of them are cashmere and, really, there’s no competing with that.

All my love,

Sara Percy Roan