Why New Year’s Resolutions Are So Last Year

Happy New Year from Sara Roan

And we’re back! Happy week after the week after New Year’s Eve! These past two weeks are likely the most depressing of the year, rivaled only by any week that occurs in March.
Oh holidays are over? And the weather is horrendous? And I don’t have the promise of any actual vacation time until summer, which is almost two whole seasons away? Not months. Seasons. Great, I’ll just sit here and wallow in what might have been if December had lasted forever—sweet, sweet December with all its jovial gift giving and holiday partying and no working.

“But Sara,” you might be thinking, “now is the time for resolutions! Now is the time to look forward to all the possibilities your life has in store for you!”

That’s right…resolutions. Considering how my life has been going, I should probably be using this time to nail down a couple goals for myself, huh? Usually I’m all about New Year’s Resolutions. I’m going to exercise more! Write more! TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF OVERALL AND ACCOMPLISH ALL THE GREAT THINGS I EVER WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH, all THIS YEAR!

Unfortunately, given the current state of my relationship with my gym, the first one is out. As for the second: I’m here aren’t I? Also, this past November, as an engagement promise, I did what I’ve been trying to do for at least twenty-five years. I quit biting my nails. This was harder to do than quit smoking—I mean, they’re free and just always in front of you, begging to be the bearers of all your stress and anxiety, am I right? Unfortunately, I can’t actually grandfather that triumph into this year’s resolutions. I’m pretty sure that would be cheating.

Speaking of my state of betrothal, I’ve got a wedding to plan this year. Isn’t that enough? Can’t I just focus on that and hope the rest of my life works itself out while I ignore it? And, in my off time, I’ll try to hunt down Happy Endings on DVD. I’ve heard really good things about that show, and don’t I deserve to finally watch something that’s a bit lighter on grisly crime than my usual fare?

Wait! Do resolutions count when you make them with someone else? Because my fiancé and I vowed (see what I did there?) to cook a new meal every Sunday using a fancy French cookbook I bought on the internet late at night once and then never opened. Sure, sometimes life gets in the way, like when your mom comes to visit and look at wedding dresses and then as soon as she leaves your friend turns 30 and you have to have a boozey brunch for her and by the time you get home it’s time to nap and when you wake up the Golden Globes are on and maybe you should just order Chinese food instead. But, generally, I have high hopes for this resolution.

So, to recap, this year I’m:

1. Going to get married
2. Not biting my nails
3. Watching some decent television
4. Eating fancier food
5. Still writing

Never mind, please disregard everything I said earlier—this year is going to be awesome.