Alright fellas, here’s the deal, there are some movies that “men” and “dudes” have denied themselves for far too long. With my easy, one-internet-click guide I hope to make even the most macho of muchachos able to enjoy a so-called “chickflick.” And more specifically, Nora Ephron’s lovely gem of a rom-com “Sleepless in Seattle.
And look, don’t get me wrong, I – like many other blokes out there – understand the impulse to watch something violent (Boondock Saints, Battle Royale, Old Boy), something hilarious (Old School, Dumb and Dumber, Anchorman), something crazy (Momento, Se7en, Inception). But bros, time to wake up and smell the RedBull: there’s more to movie magic than manly moments.
Some of you enlightened movie-going-men may already be attuned to the lighter fare generally reserved for females – Pitch Perfect, Step Up 2, or even She’s All That. But I’m not here for you guys. I’m here for the dudes who drag their girlfriends to see all the new Fast and Furious iterations, the guys who blaze and glaze over to see any comedy PG-13 and up, and, most importantly, the fellas who fail to see the plus side in movies with love stories, which ALWAYS HAVE ATTRACTIVE GIRLS.
Here, in all its glory, is the inaugural “Movies for Men” guide to movies, which hopes to get every man out there conversant in:
The Basic Plot:
Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) is recently widowed and decides to leave Chicago for Seattle in hopes of starting anew. Sam’s young son, Jonah (forgotten child-star Ross Malinger), one night calls into a Delilah-like radio show asking for help because his dad needs to find a new wife. Sam is then roped into the radio show as a featured guest, winning over every lady in America with his descriptions of his late wife.
Because he has not been able to sleep since his wife’s passing, Sam is known to the radio-listening public as “Sleepless in Seattle.”
Meanwhile, Baltimore reporter Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) overhears the program with Sam, whose profound affection for his late wife immediately causes her to question her relationship with her sheltered, allergic-to-everything fiance Walter (hilariously played by Bill Pullman). Then starts Annie’s slightly creepy obsession with Sam, in which she convinces her paper to send her to Seattle to do a piece on the whole “Sleepless in Seattle” phenomenon.
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. It’s the end of the movie, on Valentine’s Day, and only fate will decide – and of course Jonah, and a still-straight Rosie O’Donnell – if Sam and Annie will be together that night on the Empire State Building.
How To Apply Sleepless To Your Own Life:
- Meg Ryan is a real hottie and also lovely so we forgive the fact that in an alternate universe this is just a stone’s throw away from “Fatal Attraction.” But in real life do not, I repeat, DO NOT interact with a woman who falls in love with your radio persona enough to buy an expensive plane ticket and travel across the US just to creep on you.
- Sam Baldwin is a hunk because he’s sincere and a great dad. So, in case you can’t really meet those criteria, try a couple of these lines with ladies, taken straight from the script: “Hello.” / “You had me at hello.”
- Kids are assholes. Jonah wreaks a lot of havoc in this movie, and despite the fact that his meddling helped his dad find true love (again), he’s not to be trusted. Two bits of advice on this front:
1) If you have kids or are around kids, particularly the 10 and under sort, do not give them any freedom. They will ruin your life.
2) If you’re not prepared to monitor a child extensively: wrap it up. If you have to, steal a grip of free condoms from Miguelina’s Unisex Hair Salon on Broadway under the Hewes J/M stop. (They’re on top of the quarter machines.)
What Men Are Really Missing:
Nora Ephron proves her salt not only as an excellent director, but as an immensely talented writer. The dialogue is fresh, the scenes are crisp and there’s not a moment that doesn’t charm. We get emotional highs, we get emotional lows, and plenty of great jokes that still hold up. While the movie may be “predictable,” this is the kind of craft that we don’t really get to see in flicks these days.