Living the Dream

Living the Dream

I am living the dream. It’s the beginning of my third week of unemployment and, I must say, it’s about as amazing as I thought it would be. Sure, there are moments of self-doubt and intense financial worries, but that happens even when I have a job! I’ve wanted this so badly for so long that I began to think it was something unattainable—I could never fully commit to trying to get fired despite lengthy fantasies about it at just about every job I’ve had as an adult. It turns out collecting unemployment isn’t the only way to have your dreams come true. All I needed was a decent savings account and a fiancé to partially support me.

I’m proud to report that I’ve managed to avoid daytime television. Though, unfortunately, that also means that I haven’t read any books. It’s a small price to pay for the comfort of knowing that I’m not bound by any schedule. Those reruns of Mad About You and Judge Judy can really wipe the spontaneity right out of a Monday.

Though, to be honest, some things have become more difficult. Like, for instance, leaving the house. When I had a job, I left the house every day. And, sometimes, I even went places after work. That blows my mind now. I can’t possibly accomplish more than one field trip in any 36-hour period of time. Even that tires me out, but I’m a survivor so I’m not going to give up. I just focus on extreme relaxation when I get back home from my excursions. As they say at my new, donation only, yoga studio: I’m trying to be good to myself.

Full disclosure: while avoiding daytime television, I might have increased my binge watching of other shows on the Internet. There are surprise benefits to this, though! Most obvious is the reward system. Like, once I finish this piece, I deserve to watch 3-4 episodes of the show of my choice. If I do the dishes after that, then I’ve had a really productive day and can watch even more. Look at how much the reward of television helped me accomplish! These shows can also be used as a timer. If I check craigslist every 43ish minutes, then I’ll have a good new crop of mediocre jobs to apply to.

One odd thing about unemployment is that even though I don’t move very much, I’m hungrier than ever. I thought my state of near hibernation would save me from having to spend too much money on food, but the tummy is always a-grumblin’. So, I’ve had to get a little creative about what I eat. By creative, I mean less picky. I’m just eating whatever happens to be in the house. Oddly, most of those things are brown: crackers, beans, beef ramen, oatmeal, beer. I let myself have green things at dinner.

Sadly, I know that this streak of good luck will end one day and I’ll have a job once again. I’ve already been on a couple interviews, one good and one bad. For some reason, I thought a group interview at a place that sells tools for adult…fun would be a good idea. Let me tell you, I was in way over my head! Group interviews are places of judgment disguised as safe circles. Add chatter about adult fun on top of that and I’m lost somewhere between internal fear and giggles. There are a lot of body parts I’ve never heard of before.

That’s all I’ll say about that.

Sara Roan

Sara Roan

Sara Roan is a writer and performer. She moved to Brooklyn 7 years ago hoping to figure "it all" out. Fingers-crossed, that should happen any day now. 

  • frank

    so very funny……NewYorker material.