Kiss Me Through the Phone: On Online Dating Apps


The other day, my friend Anna and I were talking about a date that she had recently suffered through. Anna had met this boy on an online dating app on her phone, and she was skeptical about meeting up with him at all in the first place. On his profile for the app, he looked and sounded great. Anna thought he was funny, cute, and his ass could’ve competed in the Olympics and gone home with the gold. Still, the idea of telling people that their relationship began online was unsettling to her.

She met up with him anyway in spite of her doubts; it was awkward and it stayed awkward. His lips were the size of a small inner tube one might use to go down a water slide in an amusement park, and when they kissed, Anna felt like she was being sucked into a black hole. They don’t talk anymore. The only reason Anna decided to meet up with this guy in the first place was because the dating world outside of technology seems so impossible. After my discussion with Anna, it seemed to me that online dating apps are nothing other than a dating loophole to make yourself look like Superman, when you’re really Clark Kent.

Online Dating App

If you think about it, the profiles on the online dating apps can be anything a person wants them to be. There are tons of little things that can be altered to make one seem more appealing to another person. Maybe you could add an inch to your height, because who’s going to get a measuring tape out just to make sure you didn’t lie. Perhaps you could knock off a few pounds because who the hell carries a scale around in their purse just to make sure. But is it really worth it to lie about things just so you can get a little action? Besides, if a meetup actually happens, you aren’t going to be the person that you claimed to be, and that makes it awkward for the other person and definitely awkward for you.

On the other hand, even if one is completely honest on their online dating profile, the other person could still not be attracted. There are lots of other factors to attractiveness than just what is on a dating app. As poor Anna experienced, her guy looked great on paper, but he was a terrible kisser. There is no section on a profile where it tells you how good of a kisser a person is. Perhaps the guy is great looking, but he smells terrible. He could be beautiful, but maybe because of that, as Anna would say, he never had to develop a personality because of said beauty.

Online Dating

In conclusion, dating through any form of technology is risky business. You don’t know what you’re getting into, and there are tons of things that could go wrong. Dating should be a game of skill, not of chance. Yes, it may be harder to meet people out in the real world, but that’s the way mankind has always done it, and here we are today, still reproducing. Anna has deleted the app from her phone, and decided to date the old-fashioned way.

Raven Stone

Raven Stone

Raven Stone is currently studying Comedy Writing & Performance at Columbia College Chicago. In the meantime, he enjoys writing about anything that he finds interesting and writes original songs. He has recently been working on doing stand-up comedy in the Chicago area. Being raised in a small town in Michigan, the city life is the life for him. Follow him @RavennStone