How to Get Your Husband to Listen

listen

According to an unreliable internet source, the average attention span of an American adult is about 90 seconds. However, I find that it really all depends on the subject matter. For example, my husband can remain enthralled for hours in discussions involving guns, jujitsu, foreign policy or the Miami Dolphins. But as soon as I ask him questions like “What do you need from the grocery store?” or “What should we get my parents for Christmas,” he stops listening after 6 seconds.

So, I’ve developed a foolproof plan for keeping him engaged long enough to get the answers I need.

Me: What do you need from the grocery store?

Him: I don’t know. Whatever you think.

Me: Do you want any cold cuts?

Him:—

Me: BOOBS. Do you want any cold cuts?

Him: What? Oh, um, get me some roast beef and some pepper jack cheese.

Me: BOOBS. Do you want any chips?

Him: Salt and vinegar.

 

Me: What should we get my parents for Christmas?

Him: I don’t know. Whatever you think.

Me: Should we get my dad an e-reader?

Him: —

Me: BOOBS. Should we get my dad an e-reader?

Him: Yeah, good idea. He likes James Patterson, I think.

Me: Okay. And jewelry for my mom?

Him:—

Me: BOOBS. And jewelry for my mom?

Him: Sounds good to me. Here’s my credit card.

Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu

Lao Tzu (translated the old sage or master) is traditionally known as the father of Taoism. He lived during China's Warring States period and worked as an archivist at the emperor court. There he met Confucius himself with whom he talked about rites. Rites were the subject-matter of Confucius and Confucianists. Taoism didn't bother with such themes pointing to society, morals and ethics. Therefore the dialogue of these two masters shows a clear demarcation between their specific doctrines. Lao Tzu preached the retirement and seclusion, while Confucius insisted on the practicing the humanhood as the main virtue of a civilized person, and on personal education. Later on, disguised by the court decline of morals, Lao Tzu would left his job and departed to West. He was asked by the Guardian of the Pass to write a book and thus come into being the Tao Te Ching (translated as The Classic of Tao and Te). Tao and Te are basic concepts in Taoist philosophy. Related one to each other they pointed to the Supreme Power in the Universe and its features. Bio adapted from http://www.taoisminfo.com/ 

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