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What is Ello?

New Social Network Ello

“But what is Ello?” you ask when the barroom table erupts into witticisms about it. “What is Ello?” ask Catee, laughing into her neat scotch. Everyone at your table starts giggling and, ashamed, you grab your pack of American Spirit rolling tobacco and run out into the night to catch the L train, vowing to never…

Which Game of Thrones Character am I?

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There is one question that a girl can ask that is guaranteed to start a fight with her and her significant other. No, it’s not “Do I look fat in this?” although I’m shocked that father’s don’t pull their sons aside at a young age and tell them the best way to answer this without getting…

How You Can Make a Difference in The Food Waste Fiasco

1- Food Waste Fiasco Madison

By Rob Greenfield Let me throw some statistics at you. We throw away 165 billion dollars worth of food every year in America. 40% of all food in America is tossed out.  1 in 5 children goes without a meal on a fairly common basis.  50 million Americans lack food on their plate.   These…

How To Have The Most Fun Ever On Instagram

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Are apes not acting out anymore, or has the entire world decided to leave this hilarious behavior off Instagram? By my calculations, I’ve spent sixty hours in a van in less than two weeks. I haven’t been kidnapped again, just on tour. So to pass the game, I’ve invented a game involving Instagram. It’s a…

Christina and The Conjure Movement

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    There is a certain feeling that is conjured when you are at a stranger’s house looking at family photos adorning foreign walls. The poses are familiar—grandma with grand kids, a photo of uncles, kids playing in a plastic pool—and this confuses the mind because your mind finds these people familiar strangers. I get…

Summer In Chicago

Montrose Avenue Beach. Photo by of Juan Carlos Martin-Loeches via Flickr.

Summer in Chicago The arrival of summer in Chicago means a couple of things to me. Firstly, it means that I’ve aged another year. I’ve actually begun telling people that I am older than my real age, so that they gasp and tell me how great I look for my age. “You don’t look 41!”,…

The Last Echo: Bismarck North Dakota’s Rising Troubadours

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In Iceland musicians are categorized into one or two categories. There are troubadours and there are “troupas”. Troubadours are musicians’ musicians, writing and preforming their own innovative songs and flinging their lyrics and melodies into an audience of eager ears. Troupa, you’ll notice is a shortened version of the word troubadour. Typically it is not…

Thanks a Latte, Starbucks

Thanks a Latte Starbucks

When trying to find the perfect second job, I thought I wanted to work somewhere stress free, and most of all, happy. A place where I could forget the monotony of my day, and forget that I was actually being paid to be there. The happiest place on earth, AKA Disneyland, was 3,000 miles away,…

Bushwick Poetry 2014

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Things are afoot. Spring is here. Sara Roan is employed again. A pallet of hilarious writers from Chicago have just arrived from Craigslist (cough, Liz Garcia) and have been making all of us at the International Headquarters lose our shit laughing. At the office the groundhog, emerged from his hole, saw the alien’s shadow, and then…

How To Survive: Re-entering the Workforce

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Yes, the rumors you’ve heard are true—I am a working woman once again. Now that I’ve braved a few weeks behind a new desk, I’m here to offer my guidance for anyone else looking to reenter the fickle world of employment. Sure, I was only without a job for a little over a month, but…

Fly the Unfriendly Skies

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I think some people take their freedom and liberties for granted in this beautiful country of ours. While some people are able to check in for their flights online and glide through security, I am the one being sniffed by a German Shepherd, laying on the ground with my hands above my head. At first,…

Easter Bunny To Kids: Stop Stealing My Eggs!

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Hey Kids, It’s me, your neighborhood Easter Bunny, and I just have one thing to say to you this Easter: LEAVE. MY EGGS. THE FUNK. ALONE. Let me explain to you how things work around here. Paying customers call me when they need a candy fix.  I hippity hop around the streets, leaving eggs filled…

Things You Should Know About Dog Adoption

Pet Adoption

So you think you are ready to adopt a dog? I’m here to tell you how to prepare for the arduous screening process that awaits you. This isn’t some “find the cutest puppy and live happily ever after” type of fairy tale. The process is as intense and selective as adopting a white baby in…

Babysitting Sir-Wets-a-Lot and His Six Friends

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I’ve never been so broke in my life as I was when living in Philadelphia.  My parking tickets exceeded my income.  I decided that babysitting was my answer.   The problem was nobody had a reason to trust me with their children.  So I falsified my credentials in an ad on Craig’s List. It inferred…

Little Drone Strike on the Prairie

Little Drone Strike On the Praire

“And God bless Laura, Mary, Carrie, and Grace,” Pa continued with his prayers, not blinking an eye, as a barn exploded in the distance. My family, The Ingalls, are no strangers to things being blown up.  The year is 1874, we live on a prairie, and the US is conducting drone strikes on said prairie.…

How to Survive: Daytime Television (In Person)

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Unemployment is getting weird. You all know how hard I’ve been avoiding daytime television, right? Well I lost my battle, kind of. Thanks to an ad on craigslist, I actually participated in it as an audience member. I’m not going to name names, but there’s a man out there who is basically the conservative poor…

Victorious Kim Jong-Un Disturbed by Close Election; Defeated Kim Jong-Un Demands Recount

Kim Jong-Un Victorious

PYONGYANG—Stating that he felt “disturbed” and “insecure” about the results of North Korea’s parliamentary elections last weekend, Kim Jong-un took to the floor of the Supreme People’s Assembly yesterday to voice his concerns to the ruling Worker’s Party. “We have won a decisive victory for the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea,” Kim stated from the…

Living the Dream

Living the Dream

I am living the dream. It’s the beginning of my third week of unemployment and, I must say, it’s about as amazing as I thought it would be. Sure, there are moments of self-doubt and intense financial worries, but that happens even when I have a job! I’ve wanted this so badly for so long…

Throwing Like A Girl: A Memoir

Image Credit: krazykingdom.blogspot.com

I was recently reminded of a fun little incident from my youth throwing like a girl the other day after seeing a young girl at the park playing football with the boys. When I was 11 we used to have recess outside after lunch because they would close off the school block for twenty minutes. …

Aaron Rush Hicks and The Great Clowntroversy of 2014

Aaron Rush Hicks Blackface

According to Wikipedia, black face is  “a form of theatrical makeup used by white performers to represent a black person.” In normal parlor parlance, we can say that blackface, with few exceptions, is always offensive, is always in bad taste, and will always be interpreted as racist. Without digging too deep, we can say that those…

Our Engagement Story

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Here I am, riding a train on Valentine’s Day. By the time you read this it will no longer be Valentine’s Day, but that’s ok. I imagine romance is still be lingering wherever you are and will be in the air for weeks to come, because that’s what V Day does, right? It makes people…

Her Life On Paper

Grandpa-and-Grandma-Poetry

From Travel Write Sing I had never heard my grandpa sob before. His shaking hands grasped for the first time a book of my grandmother’s selected poetry, Her Life On Paper: Poems of Survival. Most people will remember Super Bowl XLVIII as the day the Seahawks trounced a dismantled Bronco’s team. My grandpa will remember it as…

Point/Counterpoint: Stuffed Animals

Stuffed Animals

  Friend or foe? Lovely plaything or frivolous attachment? Adorable or creepy? Stuffed animals mean so many different things to so many different people…even different things to the same person at different times in his or her life. Welcome to another installment of Point/Counterpoint, wherein I debate the merits of stuffed animals with a younger…

How to Survive: Traveling with a Dog

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As you are likely aware, dogs can be real assholes. They pee on lots of things, bark at everything else, and chew stuff that doesn’t belong to them. Sometimes, though, you find a real cute one. You are blinded by his powerful puppy stare, the panting tongue-wagging smile, and promise of unconditional love. You temporarily…

Parroting School

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In everyone’s life there comes a time when there is a strong desire to build something lasting. A time when a person no longer wants to not just enjoy their own life but also give something back to the world. I have reached that point, and I want to give the world a Parroting School.…

Why New Year’s Resolutions Are So Last Year

Happy New Year from Sara Roan

And we’re back! Happy week after the week after New Year’s Eve! These past two weeks are likely the most depressing of the year, rivaled only by any week that occurs in March. Oh holidays are over? And the weather is horrendous? And I don’t have the promise of any actual vacation time until summer,…

Houseguests: An Evolution

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I believe a person reaches a certain age when the difference between letting someone crash at your place and having a houseguest becomes distinct. It just so happens that at this age you’re also expected to start having a lot more of the latter and a lot less of the former. I haven’t been able…

In Review, Julianne Mason: Part One, The Fire

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Part One, The Fire is masterfully written, astutely arranged, lyrically driven, and melodically reaching I met Julianne Mason when I introduced myself to her and her guitarist, Tom Hoy, at the end of their set this past summer in Brooklyn’s iconic Goodbye Blue Monday. They played a killer set, lyrical and melodic, and at the…

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

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I think, hands down, that THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG is the most inventive of Peter Jackson’s films yet. To see this movie, I must go back to the simple criteria that, if you are ok with seeing a movie with elves and swords, with dragons and dwarfs, this won’t let you down. But…

Engagement Expectations

Engaged

Hey everyone, guess what? I’ve gone and gotten myself engaged. I said it before, I’ll say it again: I’m not sure how I got this fellow to stick around, let alone put a ring on it. But he has and it’s all very exciting. In exchange, I’ll give him the gift of waiting a couple…

From Below Album Review, “no gods, no monsters”

From Below Album

I first met Tom Hoy as singer/songwriter Julianne Mason’s guitar player during a performance at Brooklyn’s iconic Goodbye Blue Monday. His clean arpeggio driven electric guitar licks added a warm, sonorous element to Mason’s ardently melodic voice. Hoy, it turns out, travels wide on the genre spectrum. He is also the lead guitarist for New…

Living Well

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I don’t think I live a healthy lifestyle. In fact, I’m positive I don’t.  I can’t cook for myself because I never had the time to learn and it has led me to feed on the garbage that diners and deli’s serve up for most of my meals.  It makes sense as to why my…

Breakdown: Investigative Television

Investigative TV

Apparently it’s the end of November! Cold weather is here, colder weather is coming, and with it the diminishing desire to leave your house. You’re starting to seek out activities that you can do in the warm confines of your home, perhaps while wearing your favorite pajamas (perhaps things that don’t require you to take…

What You Need To Read Before You Go Gift Shopping

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By Aaron and Luke Maguire Armstrong It’s that time of year again (No, not your axe murdering second cousin Carl’s annual parole hearing, we mean it’s the season of giving). And added to the stresses of the holidays, is the burden of needing to buy meaningful gifts for your loved ones (Carl will not be…

How the Ad for My Current NYC Sublet Should Have Read

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Are you an NYC infant only seven months off the boat? Still painfully broke and abruptly displaced from your last apartment? Want to add insult to that brutality and get even more ripped off than you did for that room with the black industrial sheet for a wall? We have a spacious room for $800,…

Point/Counterpoint Follow-Up: Fashion

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Young Sara finally got around to reading the last installment of Point/Counterpoint and has a bone to pick with Old Sara… I welcome you to read the strange argument I have with myself as a result.   Sara Roan, age 11 Longmeadow, MA To be honest, I’m still in shock over the revelations made regarding…

Billy Williams Applies to College

University of Dreams

    Dear DSU, CC: Dean of Psychology   Something that I have always found interesting about studying psychology is that behind every idea there is a person, and behind every person there is a life. I have always been very interested in people. Namely, women. It amazes me the diversity of body type and…

The Price of Free Things

Free Stuff

Folks, this week I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about free things—free food, free drink, free stuff—and I’ve decided that it’s all bad. I imagine that most people in the general public might disagree. “Sara,” they’ll all say, “surely free food, free drink, and free stuff… these are good things!” Until very recently I…

How To Tell If You Have A “Teacher Face”

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Apparently, I have teacher face. Teacher face occurs when strangers assume you are a teacher, in my case a second grade elementary school teacher. Everywhere I go people assume I am a sweet, innocent woman who likes reading in the park while drinking tea. And while I do like tea and The Color Purple, that…

Alien Newscaster Says “Zurchy” On INtergalactic Television

Alien Swearing

ANDROMEDA GALAXY – Ziegeildler Zoundsbracket, nightly news anchor for KINT Interstellar News, actually said the word “zurchy” during a live television broadcast last night. According to Nielsen, approximately 280 trillion beings overheard the foul curse word during the three-minute broadcast, which was directed at KINT’s partner stations in the Milky Way Galaxy some 2.5 million…

Movie Review: Jobs

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      Well, I really wanted this to be good. Unfortunately, it was like watching forty-five different versions of a trailer for the movie, continuously, in 2-minute intervals. Here’s how it goes: there’s an emotional, yell-y scene with Ashton Kutcher (doing a decent job portraying Jobs), and then we’re supposed to think that Steve…

Family Dog Comes Out As Cat

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TACOMA, WA – After years of faithful service, the Mueller family’s loyal pet dog, Champ, a four-year-old St. Bernard, officially came out of the closet as a cat. The purebred made the announcement on Sunday as the family watched the Bears-Steelers football game. Standing in the hallway and vacillating, the courageous pooch finally walked into…

Life Hecklers Encyclopedia, Abridged

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The following is an excerpt from the Life Hecklers Encyclopedia—a book used to describe those people who think it is their business to make comments about our lives on a daily basis, no matter how uninformed.   DEFINITION Life Heckler [lahyf hek–uh ler] noun a person you have never formally met who tells you what…

Why Total War: Rome 2 Has Let Me Down (So Far)

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In the early stages of life, video games went hand-in-hand with anticipation. Release dates didn’t matter, what mattered is when the next holiday was, or when someone older than you was dumb enough to take you to a FuncoLand/EB Games/GameStop, knowing it would destroy whatever good habits you’ve set up for yourself. In this day…

How To Stop Procrastinating

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How to Stop Procrastinating This will certainly not come as a shock, but everyone procrastinates. Except for that 2% of people who are always productive and show up at least 15 minutes early to everything. But everyone hates those people, so don’t feel bad. For the rest of us, there is hope. Just follow these…

Friends And Family Concerned About Chimp’s Bananaholism

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CINCINNATI – Concerned friends and family of Nubbins, a fifteen-year-old chimpanzee at the Cincinnati Zoo, have recently registered deep concern over his excessive consumption of bananas. In the wake of several personal tragedies, including the accidental deflation of his favorite rubber ball and the loss of several key sleeping spots, Nubbins has reportedly sunk into…

Dating Etiquette: Some Tips for a New Relationship

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My boyfriend recently moved in with me, which has caused a bit of reminiscing over those first days of dating. How far we’ve come! While I am fortunate enough to be in a committed long-term relationship that functions pretty well—communication, shared responsibilities, etc.—hindsight is 20/20 and love must be blind because I have no idea…

The Dark and Light Side of Rabble Rousing

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You may have noticed that there’s something happening here on the site. What it is ain’t exactly clear, but there has been a lot of action this summer from a complete redesign to signing on some new writers who, we must admit, are much more engaging to read than our original team of finger painting…

How to Survive: Being an Extra

Movie Extra

You’ve gotten a role in a major motion picture, congratulations! Though it’s not the most prestigious of parts, being an extra is still something to be proud of. You went through the rigorous casting process: seeing an ad on Craigslist, responding to that ad with your measurements and a picture of your face, having those…

Choosing the Right Pet for You

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By Patti Maguire Armstrong Choosing a pet is not unlike choosing a spouse.  Actually, it’s exactly the same.  So when choosing a pet, consider evaluating it for compatibility in much the same manner. Will your two personalities mesh until death do you part? Keep in mind that un-bonded pit bulls and some partners hasten this…

Tempo Friends Encyclopedia, Abridged

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The following is an excerpt from the Tempo Friends Encyclopedia—a book used to describe those people who come in an out of our lives on a daily basis and manage to make an impression, however brief. Tempo Friend [tem-poh frend] noun a person you only know for a short period of time; also referred to…

Bald Eagle Announces Retirement as America’s National Symbol

Bald Eagle Retires

KODIAK, ALASKA – The majestic bald eagle, the fish-eating bird native to Alaska, Canada, the contiguous United States, and northern Mexico and the symbol of America since 1782, announced its retirement on Wednesday. “I gotta tell ya, I had a good run,” the raptor commented from its nest of sticks on a rock promontory overlooking…

The Cost of Independence

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I am writing to you from the wilds of Independence Day Hangover. By the time you read this, there’s no telling what shape I’ll be in. I’ve heard tell, however, that year after year people try to travel to this faraway land. Perhaps you are already planning a trip for 2014? Thusly, I will share…

Cinephile Scientists Decide Against Cloning Woolly Mammoths

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SEOUL, South Korea – In a move which has shocked the scientific community and the world at large, Korean scientists and cinephiles have announced their decision not to proceed with the cloning of the extinct woolly mammoth. “We suddenly feel it’s a foolishly irresponsible move,” Hwang Woo-suk of Seoul’s Sooam Biotech Research Foundation stated Wednesday.…

Greatest Mentor of All

What Are You Wearing Glare

  I believe that interns are our future—teach them well and they might one day lead a company. Each is a bundle of joy, starry-eyed and wobbly, embarking on his or her career path. I feel blessed to be able to, along with my fellow full-time employees, aid in our interns’ upbringings. It truly takes…

I Can Quit Making Beetles Whenever I Want

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By God Look, I don’t think it was necessary for you guys to spring this intervention on me. I am the creator of the universe, the maker of all things. The planets, the trees, the narwhale–I made all that shit. Now, have I also made around 5 million different species of beetles? Yes, but if…

An Open Letter to a Chelsea Beggar

Homeless Guy With Sign

 Dear Sir,  I saw you on my way to work today, I believe at the corner of 24th Street and 6th Avenue. I don’t often read the signs since I’m afraid my slowing down to read might be misconstrued as an interest in donating. I was, however, able to catch some of your post in…

Nuclear Missile Dreams of Detonating

Nuclear Missile

Despite the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the retirement of Fidel Castro, the American victory in Operation Iraqi Freedom, and the recent death of Kim Jong-Il, the nuclear missile currently residing in Silo E-02 of the U.S.A.F.’s 740th Missile Squadron still entertains hope that it will one day be fired and detonated. “I mean, that’s…

Artist Profile: Steve Driver

 Art is something that defies defining. You’ll find as many definitions for it as people attempting to define it. Yet usually, people sense it when they see it. Today at RRTW kicks off an ongoing series profiling artists of all mediums (painting, music, writing, cat sculpture, etc.) We’re asking artists from around the world the same five questions…

Dog Literacy Project: Kila Goes Out For NFL

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For those of you remember Kila, you remember that she was The Dog Literacy Project’s first graduate. Unlike Wasabi, who is a bad dog, Kila is a good dog. After spending her post graduate life writing books and designing chew toys, Kila’s life took a turn when she discovered her love for football. Specifically, hiking balls.…

Rabble Rouser Of The Month: Dorman Dorey

I think it’s natural to want to trace things back to their origins. It’s why when you first meet a couple you inevitably ask, “How did you meet?” There’s something wistful about being able see how trivial ‘whatevers’ can lead to the defining changes of our lives. The “Rabble Rouser of the Month” for June, is…

Heavenly Debate

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HEAVEN – Speaking from a shining golden podium set among a landscape of eternal sunlight, fluffy clouds and sweet harp music, Qin Shihuang-di, the incumbent president of Heaven, spoke to reporters about his ongoing bout with the opposing party’s prime candidate, Joseph Smith, Jr. “I’m quite confident that I shall be re-elected,” the former first…

The Grumpy Goat Gallery

I met Pam and Cara like I meet most of my friends: Google Image Search. I was looking for a picture of the devil. More precisely, I was looking for a picture of the late artist who sold self portraits depicting himself as the devil on Prague’s Saint Charles Bridge. But that’s a different (and…

GOD Admits “Epic Fail” in Middle East

In an exclusive interview with Rabble Rouse The World, God conceded Thursday that He had “really messed up” in His creation and supervision of the Middle East. “I flubbed it,” stated the Supreme Being, shuffling His feet. “I mean, yes, it was my first major geopolitical creation, after all. But I wanted it to be…

Rick Santorum Vows to Continue Saying ‘Totally Crazy Shit’

Baton Rouge, Louisiana– After his recent primary victories in Kansas, Mississippi, and Alabama, Rick Santorum renewed the pledge he’s made to his supporters since his campaign begin, “I am going to continue to say totally messed up, crazy shit.” “The conservative base has spoken,” Santorum proclaimed to a cheering crowd at a campaign stop in…

After Obama Press Conference, Republicans Announce Unconditional Support for Iran’s Nuclear Program

Washington, D.C. – Following a press conference from President Obama, where the commander-in-chief stated that nothing was off the table in regard to stopping Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons, Republican leaders have surprised many Washington insiders by abruptly announcing their support for Iran’s nuclear weapons program. “After carefully reviewing the situation, we believe that Iran,…

Scientists Discover Element of Surprise

Mad Scientist Holding Beaker

  March, 2012 PALO ALTO – In what is being hailed as “the most unanticipated discovery of our time,” the scientific community revealed yesterday that it had suddenly and unintentionally discovered the element of surprise. According to a statement by Herbert L. Jennings, chief laboratory chemist at the University of California, the team abruptly encountered…

Podcast: If You Could Ask The Whole World A Question, What Question Would You Ask?

To kick off this still bran-spanking new year, Rabble Rouse The World has grown to now offer podcasts. We’ll be releasing a feature podcast on the first of every month on the site and also in the iTunes music store. The podcasts will include off-beat topics of travel, culture, humor and whatever Rabble Rousing ideas…

Dog Literacy Project Expels Its First Student

Wasabi

Rabble Rouse The World is regretful to inform our readers and supporters that our Dog Literacy Project has been left with no choice but to expel one of it’s students. Wasabi, a two month old Acadia. Due to his chronic disobedience, lack of respect and insistence on urinating in the kitchen, Wasabi has been kicked out…

Campaign to Ban John Tottenham from the Planet Earth

Photo Credit: LA Times

Have you heard about John Tottenham and why he is not awesome? Listen to this… John Tottenham is a British poet living in LA who wants to ban the world ‘awesome’. For everyone. Even children and bunnies. As he told the LA times, “It’s a matter of semantic satiation.” and goes onto say that anyone…

The House of Balls

When you cross the threshold of the House of Balls, you leave the familiar behind. The studio/gallery studio/gallery is creation of found-object sculptor, Allen Christian. You’ll find it tucked into a corner of the warehouse district of Minneapolis, in the neighborhood of condos, cafés and chic shops. But you never know what’s behind a door. Even…

Dog Literacy Project

Fact: 100% of dogs worldwide are illiterate. How would you like not to be able to read a menu? How would you like never to be able to write a letter or draft a manifesto? If you answered “no” to all three of those questions you would hate to be a dog. Dogs are illiterate. All of…

Rabble Rouse: The Doctor´s Waiting Room

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By Luke and Patti Armstrong How many hours have you spent in waiting rooms throughout your lifetime?  Answer: too mamy. Do you want to live a purposeful life? If not, what are you waiting for? For the doctor? Why? So that he can cure you only so that you can extend your purposeless life a few…

Occupy: The Nursing Home Hallway

Today, just before the start of The Price is Right, a group of Rabble Rousing seniors wreak havoc in their assisted living center after deciding to occupy the Nursing Home Hallway.    HILLSOBORO, Oregon – After watching the twenty-four hour news stations for weeks, a group of a dozen senior citizens of the Pinewood Assisted Living Center in…