Boy-Scouting and Sex Appeal

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My friends and I have lots of interests, but one interest in particular surpasses all the others: men. We love men. Every day, we meet up for lunch in a café on campus, and we eat and observe. I like to call it “boy-scouting.” We each have our own type, and some of the men that come in and out of the café excite us more than others, but the bottom line is that we don’t go to the café to eat; we go to fawn over the guys that we have major crushes on, but actually know nothing about. This being said, the act of boy-scouting is a delicate one and there are certain things that need to be understood before it is practiced.

Rule #1: Subtlety

When one is boy-scouting, subtlety is everything. It’s sort of like bird watching; if you become too obvious or get too close, your object of affection will be scared away. A good way to keep your guy in your line of vision is to have a friend sit in between you and him. This way, he won’t be able to tell the difference whether you’re looking at your friend, or soaking up his beauty.

Rule #2: Be Specific

If you boy-scout every single guy that walks in the door, then you’re just being sad. Go into boy scouting knowing what you like in a guy and don’t settle for anything less. I’m not just talking about blonde-hair, blue eyes, and an ass like a Greek god. Pay attention to the way he walks and composes himself. It’s so much more than just how he looks. They say not to judge a book by a cover, but if the cover is boring, what makes you want to pick it up? Being interested in someone for their looks at first doesn’t make you shallow; being interested in someone only for their looks does.

Rule #3: Use Your Friends

Never, EVER boy-scout alone. It is a very dangerous situation to be in. If your guy does something sexy, whom are you going to (subtly) freak out about it with? Not only that, but when you boy-scout with friends, you have knowledge to where each guy you’re scouting is in the room. With your friends there, you have a better chance to know when a guy you’re boy-scouting arrives and when they leave. Perhaps when they are about to leave, you get up to get some napkins and cross paths? Just a thought.

Rule #4: Talk to Him

There is nothing more terrifying than talking to a guy you don’t know and who you think is hot. Even still, there are ways to ease the introduction process. The best times are when the guy you are scouting is with someone you know. In this case, go and talk to the person you know, and they will most likely introduce you to the guy you’re scouting. Now, you know his name, and you also know to hang out more with the person you already know because you have a better shot of running into the hot guy, going on dates, and having…fun.

Rule #5 Don’t Be Disappointed

If you get to the very advanced stages of boy-scouting where you are on regular speaking terms with one of the scouted, don’t be disappointed if they aren’t what you expected. Sure, he may have seemed great from the outside, but there is always the slight chance he could be, you know, an ass. If he turns out to be an ass, whatever. Some people are asses and some people are not. If he is ugly on the inside, then simply repeat rules one through four and move on to the next one. There are plenty of guys that are hot and sweet as apple pie.

Like every sport, you will strike out sometimes. Not every guy can be perfect, because if every guy were, then every guy would be the one for you. When boy-scouting, you never want to settle for anything less than what is good for you. Remember, there is a big difference between shallow and selective. My friends and I will boy-scout at lunch until we’ve scouted “the one.” Don’t get me wrong; we love our food, but we love our men.

Raven Stone

Raven Stone

Raven Stone is currently studying Comedy Writing & Performance at Columbia College Chicago. In the meantime, he enjoys writing about anything that he finds interesting and writes original songs. He has recently been working on doing stand-up comedy in the Chicago area. Being raised in a small town in Michigan, the city life is the life for him. Follow him @RavennStone 

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