1. Answer the door wearing only your magic (invisible) underwear.
2. Tell them they are just in time to help you sacrifice the goat the Beelzebub and that if they’d just follow you to the living room you’d get them a chalice of dog blood and the ceremony can begin.
3. Introduce them to your three husbands: Corey, Brad, and Gaylord.
4. Put a doormat outside of your door that reads, “All who enter must shoot tequila.”
5. Act very excited about the free book of Mormon they might give you. Let them know that the last one lasted you for months and that it was never so easy to start your BBQ.